Not Quite There Yet

Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty down. Not mentally, like depression or anything—I mean physically. My body just feels like it’s turning against me. I found out my kidneys are only running at 45%. That alone hit me like a truck. And on top of that, my diabetes has started going haywire again. Numbers are all over the place. It’s exhausting trying to keep everything in check when your body’s doing the opposite of cooperating.

Then there’s the pain behind my knees. Every. Single. Day. It’s like a dull knife twisting in slow motion. I get spinal injections every six months just to function—like some twisted oil change for a human body.

I started thinking, maybe if I dropped more weight, it would take some pressure off all these issues. I’m already on Ozempic and it’s helped—I’ve lost a decent amount of weight so far. Clothes fit better. I can breathe a little easier. But the health stuff? Still hanging around like an uninvited guest.

So I started seriously considering bariatric surgery, specifically the gastric sleeve. I did the responsible thing—I called my endocrinologist, and she sent over the referral. I thought, maybe this is it. Maybe this is the next step toward actually feeling better.

But then… nope. The surgeon told me I don’t qualify. My BMI is 33.8 and apparently it needs to be 35 for them to even consider doing the procedure—even though I have type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure, both of which the surgery could help with.

That stung.

Like, I’m not trying to drop pounds to fit into some beach outfit. I’m trying to stay alive. I’m trying to feel better. I’m trying to get ahead of the curve before things get even worse. But because of some arbitrary number on a chart, I’m not a candidate.

So yeah, I’m bummed. Frustrated. Even a little angry.

But I’m not giving up. If the system wants me to hit 35 BMI to qualify, maybe I lose the weight on my own instead. Or maybe I find a doc who actually looks at me, the patient, not just the numbers on paper.

Either way, I’m not done fighting for my health.