Why My Ideal Dinner Guest Is a Human Tornado

If you could host a dinner and anyone you invite was sure to come, who would you invite?

If I could host a dinner and anyone I invited was guaranteed to show up? Oh, hands down—I’m inviting Gary freaking Busey. Yeah, I know, I could go with some deep, philosophical figure or a music legend or a president or some other cookie-cutter inspirational icon. But let’s be honest—those dinners usually end in polite clapping and a TED Talk vibe. I want chaos. I want stories. I want a night I’ll remember until the day my brain gives up.

The man is an unfiltered fever dream wrapped in human skin. He’s like a walking fortune cookie, except instead of wisdom you get paranoid poetry, animal sounds, and conspiracy theories about clouds. And that’s exactly what I want at my dinner table.

We’re talking mashed potatoes flying mid-sentence. Busey trying to explain the secret messages hidden in Jell-O. Me nodding like I understand, trying not to choke on my bourbon while he screams about a possum he once dated spiritually. I wouldn’t even need entertainment. Gary is the show.

The whole dinner would probably derail 10 minutes in. He’d demand to say grace, but instead of thanking God, he’d give a passionate monologue about how spoons are the most emotionally honest utensil. Someone would ask him a normal question like “How’s your day been?” and somehow we’d end up in a 45-minute breakdown of the word “banana” and why the government is afraid of it.

And the best part? I’d just sit there, loving every second of it. No small talk. No boring “what do you do for a living” crap. Just unhinged brilliance from a man who exists on a plane of reality we mere mortals can’t even access without shrooms and a head injury.

So yeah, if I get one dinner with guaranteed attendance, I’m picking the wildcard. The chaos goblin. The man who probably thinks raccoons are reincarnated poets.

I’m picking Gary Busey.

And you know what? I bet he brings dessert. Probably something he invented. Probably illegal. Probably delicious.